blackjackgabbiani:

Ok, I think someone has to say this.

We all know that Chris Brown hitting Rhianna was a dick move. That she was in every way right to leave him.

But you know what? I honestly don’t think that a single instance (and from what I understand it WAS a single instance) of violence should forever brand someone as a domestic abuser.

I’ll be up front with you all. I have anger issues. It’s why I was in the “emotionally handicapped” class all through school. I’d hit people. Sometimes I still do. I know it’s wrong. I’m getting help for it and other issues, but sometimes I slip up.

And Brown is said to have a temper. With a lot of people, not just Rhianna or women in general. Yet somehow this has him labeled as a misogynist supreme.

If he’d hit his brother, would there be this outcry? (I know nothing about him that isn’t connected to this story so I don’t know if he even has a brother, but you get my point) People keep bringing up “he hit a woman!”, but we don’t know if her sex is in any way relevant!

And anyone attempting to show even remote sympathy for him is seen as “justifying abuse”. Fuck no. I’m not justifying abuse. Abuse is fucking horrible. But everything I’ve seen points to this being a single argument where his temper flared too much.

That’s not justifying anything. That’s not excusing anything. It’s not telling “young girls” anything about powerlessness or any shit like that. It’s saying that a bad temper doesn’t automatically make you a misogynist just because the person happens to be female.

This whole idea of “it’s wrong to hit women” is flawed. It casts women as waifs who will inherently be on the lower end of a power imbalance, and who must never ever be harmed. What about “it’s wrong to hit”, with gender removed from the equasion?

A while ago I wound up in a flame war for saying this. Apparently suggesting that there’s EVER a situation where a man hitting a woman would be acceptable makes me a misogynist, even though everyone was in general agreement that there would be situations where it was acceptable for a man to hit another man. To me, THIS is misogyny, because it casts the woman as something to be protected, regardless of any woman’s individual action. An example bandied about in that conversation was where a woman was being a nusance in line for something, some guy shoved her, she hit her head and died. This was paraded about as an example of “male violence” and all that but really? He had no way of knowing she’d die. And her being a woman had nothing to do with why he shoved her. It was her individual actions. So people accused me of saying that she deserved to die. What the fuck. And, of course, I’m accused of derailing for pointing out that it could have just as easily have happened to a guy.

Those classes I mentioned had a lot of hitters. I got hit a bunch of times. Sometimes by guys. Never for being a girl, but for being there when someone was angry. It wasn’t my fault nor the fault of anyone else who got hit, and to take away from this some sort of victim blaming is absurd and more than a little offensive.

Anyway my point is that outbursts, even violent ones, have a variety of causes, “domestic abuse” has very specific connotations that may not apply in all situations especially when a person is known for lashing out at all sorts of people, women are not delicate flowers to be out on a pedistal, and calling someone a misogynist because the person on the other end of a fist happens to be a woman is absurd.

I know shit about Chris Brown. He could really be a misogynist for all I know. But honestly, there is a HUGE line between “hitting a woman” and “hitting a person who happens to be a woman”. And I really do wonder if there would have been anywhere near this level of disgust if he’d hit a man. I doubt it, and that’s really sad.

Tldr:violence is wrong, take it from me, and sometimes gender just plain doesn’t matter in these cases.